The Kind of Friends We Used to Be
#2 of 3 in The Secret Language of Girls Series
on Goodreads (3,241)
What’s inside...
Kate and Marylin are best friends navigating the complexities of middle-school friendship after a year of being apart. As they attempt to mend their relationship, they find themselves growing increasingly different. Kate rejects traditional femininity and wants to pursue music, while Marylin struggles with peer pressure from the popular cheerleaders. The girls must confront their differences and personal challenges to rebuild their friendship. Frances O'Roark Dowell captures the ups and downs of friendship in this insightful companion book to 'The Secret Language of Girls'.
Character compass
Marylin
Kate
Discussion points
How do Kate and Marylin's friendship changes reflect their personal growth?
What are some ways the characters show they care for each other, even when they disagree?
How does the book show the importance of understanding and forgiveness?
What did you learn about handling changes in friendships from Kate and Marylin’s experiences?
In what ways can you relate your own friendship experiences to those in the story?
Tip: Role play these questions
While discussing the book, share personal stories from your childhood about friendships that evolved over time.
Encourage your child to express their feelings about friendships and relate them to the events in the story.
Ask your child to think about a time when a friend changed and how they handled that situation.
After discussing a question, relate it back to the book by asking how specific characters might respond similarly or differently.
Reinforce how normal and okay it is for friendships to evolve as people grow, echoing the theme from the book.
Key lessons
Example Lesson: The importance of forgiveness
Explanation: In the story, Kate and Marylin learn to forgive each other after conflicts arise, showing the resilience of their friendship.
Real-World Application: Children can apply this lesson by learning to resolve conflicts with their friends and understanding the value of forgiveness in maintaining long-lasting relationships.
Example Lesson: Value of open communication
Explanation: Through the ups and downs of Kate and Marylin's friendship, the story emphasizes the necessity of honest and open communication in understanding each other better.
Real-World Application: This teaches children the importance of expressing their thoughts and feelings openly and respectfully with their peers to foster stronger connections.
Example Lesson: Accepting change
Explanation: As the characters grow and mature, they experience changes in their interests and personalities. The story highlights how they learn to accept and embrace these changes in each other.
Real-World Application: Children can learn to be adaptable and accepting of changes in themselves and others, recognizing that change is a natural part of growing up.
Example Lesson: Respecting individuality
Explanation: Marylin and Kate discover their own unique paths and learn to respect each other's differences rather than trying to change one another.
Real-World Application: This can help children appreciate the uniqueness of everyone around them and encourage them to embrace their own individuality without comparing themselves to others.
Example Lesson: The strength of enduring friendships
Explanation: Despite the challenges they face, Kate and Marylin's friendship ultimately endures, illustrating the strength and lasting nature of true friendship.
Real-World Application: Children can understand the value of maintaining friendships through difficult times and learn that true friends will always support and stand by them.